Channel Surfing...

Este post tiene que ir en inglés... I have to admit, I have favorite TV channels that include MTV, MTV Spanish, VH1, VH Uno, Telemundo (por las tardes para ver "Al Rojo Vivo" while I do my workouts), Fit TV, HBO (or any movie channel that gives good movies or anything indie or foreign for that matter-my all time fav is IFC or Sundance), Bravo, and A&E. All those channels broadcast some of my favorite shows that I watch such as: Run's House (MTV), The Fabulous Life...(VH1), The Hills, Real World Key West, Super Sweet 16, True Life (all on MTV), Blow Out, Chef Show (I can't remember) (Bravo), American Justice, Cold Case Files, Inked, King of Cars, and A & E Documentary Specials (all on A&E)...which brings me to something I came across while channel surfing... Skinheads USA: Soldiers of the Race War: America Undercover® followed by Ku Klux Klan: A Secret History® on A&E. Well, of course...I had to watch. It is funny how the saying "It's like a car wreck...you can't help but stop and watch"...well that's how I get when I see these types of shows. By the way I included the links so if you have the channel A&E, check the next showings for the documentaries. I had seen both of these before, on the History Channel I believe but I had to go through the torture again...I wasn't diagnosed with OCD in vain...¡cuando me da con algo me DA y PUNTO! I've always (since the age of 8) been interested in the KKK (yes 8, no estoy exagerando)and i'll let you know why... When I was 8 we lived in Ft. Benning, GA. It was 1978 and there were still "colored" water fountains (fountains meant for colored people) in some areas in the south...it was circa 1978 and many still believed that segregation was necessary... in other words, some folks were, plainly stated, BACKWARDS!!! Mami would usually drive to Alabama to visit a Piggly Wiggly (southern supermarket) where she could find fresh meat pa' los sancochos, los mondongos (yuck) and all the other stuff Puerto Ricans would normally cook. Mami and Papi always had people over (Puertorriqueños) pa' hacer los Bembes...dominoes, rum, food, music...well that is why we always had good stuff in the fridge. It was in one of those visits to the Piggly Wiggly that mami and I got caught in a KKK rally...what do I remember... being pulled away from Mami mami yelling to let go of me them asking what would she want with a negro child mami saying that I was her daughter Mami getting smacked mami being called a Negro lover (mami is light skinned y papi es dark...dark hence me being dark) me being pushed on the sidewalk scraping my knee me never EVER forgetting how it felt to be hated SOOOOO much Since then I always had a fascination (if you want to call it that) on learning about the KKK and skinheads...wanting to know where their hatred comes from why the hatred how their hatred can be taken to the extreme Now, I watch documentaries like the ones I rewatched last night, and get angry yet sympathetic because it is all about knowledge gone wrong. It's so baffling, puzzling, fascinating to see how easy it is to fall into the "other" syndrome. "Other"-ing for difference, not having to wear a white robe or shave your head to "other" all that you don't know or resembles that which you don't know. "Other"-ing because of physical traits, and what is worse, "other"-ing based on beliefs and political ideologies. I couldn't stop thinking on how the KKK and skinhead way of thinking can be taken to sooooo many other levels...it's not even funny. Levels I dare not write because...just because. I've experienced racism from the KKK, from College professors, from students at PSU that once yelled at me "go back to your fucking jungle..." and let me tell you....I am not that dark and no, I was not alone when that happened and I've experienced racism in my own country. The first time was when I went to the house of my first boyfriend who was a Marista School (Guaynabo) graduate, son of a prominent Dr and resident in Tintillo Gardens. His aunt had the CHOCHA to tell me que yo "era muy subidita en color pa' entrar en la familia...tu sabes...el va ser dr. y su esposa tiene que ir a actividades con el pelo lacio...no puede tener ese rizo que tienes...el afro ese". It is unnecesary to say that I cried my ass when I got home and I broke up eventually with that one. Second time...when I went to visit my NOW husband's family. I was called "la nena esa...tu sabes la PRIETA esa " behind our back...because if Raul would've known it would've been stopped before I had to. I don't mind being called prieta or negra...if it's in a loving way, de cariño...but they way it was being said...it was everything but! It went something like this... "La nena esa...la PRIETA esa tiene nombre...es Zen. Sip, Zen S R. De madre blanca y de padre negro. Apellido, de un cabron español que tenia esclavos y le dio su nombre a los hijos ilegitimos que tuvo con una esclava de Africa. El pelo...malo...pero el corazon sano y bueno. Por lo menos no me harto de decir disparates como doctol o arespira como hace esta familia de blanquitos porque a diferencia de uds tengo cultura, viajes y estudios. Que como me llamo? Zen, a la orden." Pase a ser "la Prieta esa" a "la mujer de Raulito,...tu sabes Zen, la negra". Ahora es de cariño. But I had to do something I HATE TO DO!!!! I had to prove myself through my experiences, validate myself through my education and feel that I had to prove myself beyond color. Why is it that we...us "colored" folk have to do shit like that. Entonces cuando lo haces te la estas echando or bragging...it's not that I brag...yo no duermo con mi diploma, ni con mis viajes, ni con un CARAJO!!! A mi me importa un CARAJO!!! Pero a todo aquel que cree que uno es un pendejo o un ignorante por ser "colored" o por ser mujer, uno tiene que defenderse y darse valer de la forma que la gente entienda y si eso que ellos valoran pues tiraselo en la cara y sal de eso. But it doesn't feel good at all...there is no need for self validation but is it really necessary to feel invalidated?